THIRTY PAIN FREE MINUTES!!!

Woohoo, I didn’t lose everything I’d gained, at least as far as running is concerned. I know it’s irrational, but I was terrified I’d be back to that huffing-puffing-can’t-last-a-minute mess I was when I started back in February. I’m not. I ran the flat trail, I consciously kept my pace slow enough to speak (yeah, ok, lip-sync to music, lol), AND still finished 2.5 or so miles. Good stuff.

 

Dinner with the grands was not so good. I need to figure out somewhere else for monkey to hang while I run… As Grandma and Monkey spend more time together (from necessity, as she needs me around to help her out), Monkey’s (adorable but somewhat annoying sometimes) 3-year-old-ness is losing it’s cuteness where Grandma is concerned. I had to stop her the 3rd time she had something to say (or some derisive noise to make) when Monkey dropped a bit of food as she ate. Mind you, Monkey can’t sit up to the table well there, and because of the shape of the house, there’s no room to bring in a high chair or booster to make it any closer. She’s doing well, and having someone harp on her just isn’t ok. I wasn’t mean, but made it clear. She’s 3. She’s a little messy when she eats. I’ll clean it up when she’s done, I promise. She backed off. Next was while I was loading the dishwasher after dinner. All of us still in the kitchen. She’d picked a new target…my grandpa. She said some really hateful things to him, in front of us, that I can’t help but think had to be humiliating for him. The man’s barely been able to get out of bed for months, and this is how she speaks to him in front of his grand (and great-grand) kids? I’ve never loaded a dishwasher so quickly, and Monkey and I were out the door in under ten minutes, before my mouth got the better of me. I don’t want to be disrespectful, but at the same time, holding my tongue was mighty difficult right then. Please say a prayer for me tomorrow, as I head back over to work on a few chores for her and *maybe* run, depending on her attitude toward Miss Monkey. I’d like to mention to her that I was really uncomfortable when I felt like she was picking an argument with us there. I’m afraid it will escalate after that &  I’ll need to leave. I don’t have a problem with that. These are my boundaries, and I’m ok with maintaining them. But who’s going to help out then, and more importantly, who’s going to do the things Grandpa needs done that she can’t do? Ugh. Maybe I should follow everyone else in the family’s lead and just move far away again. No, I really won’t. I love it here, love my house and my garden and my life. I just need to find a way to make this dysfunctional dynamic workable until they are self-sustaining again.

 

A friend sent me a quote/picture the other day. “Gardening is cheaper than therapy, and you get free tomatoes.” She’s right. Monkey and I got home, grabbed cold refreshments (beer and fudgesicle, respectively), and headed out to the garden. I got a good portion of the rest of the little garden weeded and ready to plant in the morning, while listening to some awesome praise songs and talking out the whole situation with the Man upstairs. Feeling better. Monkey’s in the tub, then I think I’ll let her snooze in my room with some toons–maybe she’ll sleep in again tomorrow…

One response

  1. I can relate to your experience with granma and granpa there. I had a few of those experiences myself and it’s difficult to either stay calm or speak up. So far I have always been able to deal with such topics in a gentle manner. Usually I would talk about such situations when alone with my mom and had good results.Keep it up there!!

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