This is phenomenal, and something I need to remember every day.

Glenn Pendlay

Why? Well it started in Guatemala last week. I was eating in the weightlifting chow hall with Donny Shankle and thinking about the food. The meal that day included a sort of salad. Tasted like it had some kale in it, had some green beans, some corn, lettuce, and bits of bacon. There were diced up potatoes, cooked with onions. Diced up carrots that most people seemed to be mixing up with the potatoes and onions. And chicken. Not fried chicken, just chicken. It was representative of most of the meals, mostly vegetables and meat, some potatoes or rice. Nothing fancy. I remarked to Donny that it would be hard to overeat and get fat on such food. Not that it wasn’t good, it was tasty enough, but it was nothing you would want to go on eating once your hunger had been satisfied. And it wasn’t calorie dense, mostly…

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Ouch

Violent, physically aggressive patient today. It’s ok-ish because he really didn’t know or understand what he was doing. If I thought I was being held prisoner against my will, I’d probably react the same way…but tonight I’m bruised and sore, and in no way in the mood to go to work tomorrow. On the up side, one more day before the weekend and my girlies, and I scored 4 roma tomato plants for 50 cents a piece on my way home tonight. Another weekend of dirt therapy, hurray!!! Still eating right, not running because my leg is still crap, but walking the same distance most days of the weeks so hopefully I don’t lose every bit of conditioning by the time I can finally run again. Weight’s still slowly trending downward. I’ve taken to weighing several times a day at different times of day…a low evening weight tells me just about as much as a low morning weight, even though they’re sometimes 5 or more pounds different. I’m headed in the right direction 😉

Best Day Ever

ImageI know, I know. It’s been a few days. But there’s a good reason, I promise.

 

As I posted before, my mom got in on Thursday night, and my sister and her family (and all of my girls) got in on Friday night. It was a noisy, chaotic, WONDERFUL house full of people.

 

ImageImageSaturday brought high school graduation for my brilliant biggest baby girl. 🙂 We got to sit next to the absolute loudest, trashiest rednecks possible for the ceremony, which was kind of entertaining, since once you’ve heard one graduation speech you’ve pretty much heard them all…

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Saturday night was a fire out back, with some cold adult refreshments. The kids lasted about a half hour before they realized how boring the adults were…except my youngest niece, Ella, seen in this pic finally snoozing on her dad’s lap. There was another rather unfortunate picture taken that night, of me, but I seem to have misplaced it, lol.

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And Sunday was our graduation party/baby shower. Like the cake topper? Not surprisingly, we couldn’t find one that fit both events, so I designed the lovely cap worn by the stork.

 

Yesterday was back to work, and today I spent the day just hanging with little monkey. She got a new bike a week or so ago, from our fabulous babysitter, and now that she’s figured out pedaling, she really wanted to ride. So I took her up to our little bike path, and she rode all the way from the entrance near our house to the playground at the park (over a mile). Only a couple of small spills on the way home after playing when she was really getting tired. We got home, cooked her favorite dinner (chicken & baked potatoes on the grill with broccoli & cauliflower with melted parmesan cheese), and she got to follow it up with a push-up from the freezer, prompting this picture, snapped mid-thumbs-up, while she told me “This is the best day ever!”

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Things Mom should know.

My visit tonight with my mom was one of the best I can remember. Except that she blames herself for my “mistakes,” and those of my sisters. So tonight, from a grown 35-year-old daughter, things my mom should know…

 

 

Starting way back at the beginning, I was probably Monkey’s age…I had a nightshirt that had a rainbow and the phrase “love conquers all.” While I remember your eye roll when telling me what it said when I was still too young to read it, I also remember the relationship between the great-grandparents YOU CHOSE for me. They may not have been blood, but you chose for me to see that real love existed, and you respected and acknowledged that relationship. It is what you have strived (is that even a word, I think there’s a different tense) for your whole life…I pray you have found it now. But you taught me to seek it, and I thank you. To this day, I haven’t found it. But you taught me it exists and is worth the cost. I sincerely pray it happens for both of us.

When it was time for me to learn of birds and bees, you gave me books to read for the mechanics. But you also had a conversation with me about what it meant, and that it was meant for love. It has stuck with me to date, and while I’ve had more partners than I’d wished, I’ve loved before I’ve ever taken that step.It’s all I hoped my kids would do as well, and while I may not be thrilled with their choices, I am satisfied that they will never need to regret them.

Later in my life, you became highly religious. That was hard for me. I didn’t understand a lot of what you stood for–remember boycotting Disney? I thank you for teaching me so many things before that phase. That God loves us, all of us, no matter what. You taught me, even before you boycotted them, that God loves sinners. Even gay folk. Even people who make decisions he wouldn’t. As I love my children, as you have loved me, He loves us.

Later in my life, I would be encouraged by someone I loved with all of my heart to abort my child. I am thankful for the foundation that you gave me to become the mother I am today. His absence led me to the brink of my sanity and nearly to the loss of my life before God caught me, and he did it while I prayed with the cross made by an old friend of yours. He saved, and changed, my life that night.

The road back has not been easy, and it isn’t over. I’ve made many mistakes, and I am not proud of all of my actions. There are still situations I should right. But you should know, you gave me the foundation to know I should. Everyone makes these mistakes, or similar ones. Not everyone knows how or why they should fix them. I’ve only ever been best friends with one of my sisters, and it feels like forever ago. But we’ve had the conversation, and we know, we knew, we will always know. Mom will be there when it matters. No matter what.

You have done a fabulous job, regardless of how you see our mistakes. Thank you for teaching us to love unconditionally. So few people on this planet do, but you do it flawlessly for us.

 

Quick one

Finally got a run in today. I can’t say it was pain free, and there’s still something weird about my gait right now that I can’t seem to straighten out, but I got my 30 minutes and I’m not hobbling in pain tonight, so I’ll call that a win. Sticking to the flat stuff and still working on hip & glute strengthening, and hoping that will help. I’m really starting to think I should put my insurance to work and go see a PT or even a chiro. I realize what a blessing it is to even have insurance, but right now I’m not sure I can deal with the $20 copay. We’ll see. Being broke sucks, but lots of other things suck worse.

This weekend is pure busy. Good busy. My mom should be in tonight sometime, my sister and her family tomorrow. Saturday is graduation, and Sunday is the baby shower/graduation. Sometime in there, I’m making a little time to see that new guy I mentioned. And without a doubt, I will be making time to run. I love my family, but our interactions are usually somewhat stressful, and I’m thankful to have that outlet for my stress. Flat, easy runs are better than no runs at all.

Parting thought– some people are so poor, all they have is money.

I need a new challenge

C25K was fabulous. It inspired and motivated me and made me stay focused. Then, the week after I finished, a too-long run irritated my leg, and I’m down to only running twice a week since. I want to get back to running more instead of less, but the advice I’ve gotten at this point is that I run on ITB while it’s painful, it will become chronic. I need to find a new challenge to motivate me, and as much as I wanted it to be C210K or OHR, I’m afraid it’s not realistic right now. Any ideas?

 

In other news, there’s a new prospect in my world…and I find myself doing the same kind of doubting there…

 

Maybe I need to suck it up and quit being such a fraidy cat.

 

Bedtime now, more work tomorrow! 🙂 love & happy days to all!

THIRTY PAIN FREE MINUTES!!!

Woohoo, I didn’t lose everything I’d gained, at least as far as running is concerned. I know it’s irrational, but I was terrified I’d be back to that huffing-puffing-can’t-last-a-minute mess I was when I started back in February. I’m not. I ran the flat trail, I consciously kept my pace slow enough to speak (yeah, ok, lip-sync to music, lol), AND still finished 2.5 or so miles. Good stuff.

 

Dinner with the grands was not so good. I need to figure out somewhere else for monkey to hang while I run… As Grandma and Monkey spend more time together (from necessity, as she needs me around to help her out), Monkey’s (adorable but somewhat annoying sometimes) 3-year-old-ness is losing it’s cuteness where Grandma is concerned. I had to stop her the 3rd time she had something to say (or some derisive noise to make) when Monkey dropped a bit of food as she ate. Mind you, Monkey can’t sit up to the table well there, and because of the shape of the house, there’s no room to bring in a high chair or booster to make it any closer. She’s doing well, and having someone harp on her just isn’t ok. I wasn’t mean, but made it clear. She’s 3. She’s a little messy when she eats. I’ll clean it up when she’s done, I promise. She backed off. Next was while I was loading the dishwasher after dinner. All of us still in the kitchen. She’d picked a new target…my grandpa. She said some really hateful things to him, in front of us, that I can’t help but think had to be humiliating for him. The man’s barely been able to get out of bed for months, and this is how she speaks to him in front of his grand (and great-grand) kids? I’ve never loaded a dishwasher so quickly, and Monkey and I were out the door in under ten minutes, before my mouth got the better of me. I don’t want to be disrespectful, but at the same time, holding my tongue was mighty difficult right then. Please say a prayer for me tomorrow, as I head back over to work on a few chores for her and *maybe* run, depending on her attitude toward Miss Monkey. I’d like to mention to her that I was really uncomfortable when I felt like she was picking an argument with us there. I’m afraid it will escalate after that &  I’ll need to leave. I don’t have a problem with that. These are my boundaries, and I’m ok with maintaining them. But who’s going to help out then, and more importantly, who’s going to do the things Grandpa needs done that she can’t do? Ugh. Maybe I should follow everyone else in the family’s lead and just move far away again. No, I really won’t. I love it here, love my house and my garden and my life. I just need to find a way to make this dysfunctional dynamic workable until they are self-sustaining again.

 

A friend sent me a quote/picture the other day. “Gardening is cheaper than therapy, and you get free tomatoes.” She’s right. Monkey and I got home, grabbed cold refreshments (beer and fudgesicle, respectively), and headed out to the garden. I got a good portion of the rest of the little garden weeded and ready to plant in the morning, while listening to some awesome praise songs and talking out the whole situation with the Man upstairs. Feeling better. Monkey’s in the tub, then I think I’ll let her snooze in my room with some toons–maybe she’ll sleep in again tomorrow…