A new chapter is begun.

After months of faithfully logging every single bite/sip that passes my lips, tonight I am drunk on calories that do not count. Tonight I say goodbye.

 

I always said that if I got a tattoo, it would be something that mattered to me deeply. It did.

photo3

 

The story of the 2 feet is here. If the link doesn’t work (and it may not, wine is good tonight…) let me know. I’ll hook you up on my crazy tale. I broke the bones under those 2 feet in an argument with my now ex-husband. That tattoo closed that chapter..

 

Tomorrow I will get the tattoo that closes the chapter that follows. There are blogs that follow the progress, and they are painful and sensitive. I worry that I’m not ready yet, but what am I holding on to anymore, anyway? I’m tracing the progress tonight, I am saying goodbye. I’ve looked myself in the mirror, in the eye, for the millionth time. Right arm or not, he is never coming back. It’s time now. More, with pics, tomorrow. I lost myself in old blogs and goodbyes and sad songs tonight, but never fear. I always get back up again.

2 feet, so thankful, so strong, so blessed.

 

It’s time to move forward. For those who actually follow this blog (I can’t imagine why) and are interested, I will promise tonight that if you don’t know either party involved, I will grant access to my madness upon request. Tonight, I will simply wallow in it one last time.

Yuck

I’m sticking to my attempt to post every day, but I don’t have a lot to say. Some sort of stomach bug has me in its grips, since about 7 or 8 last night. I won’t go into gruesome details, but…well…they’re gruesome. I feel like dirt, and I went to work hoping to come home early (ha, fat chance) and survived the day. Even one of my favorite (clueless to the world of others) doctors noticed I was looking ill. Yeah, it was that bad. And I get to do it again tomorrow. Oh. Joy. I’d use a sick day, but I used them up in the fall when monkey was getting sick left and right during our one and ONLY trial with a daycare center (vs in-home). As long as the monkey’s able to go tomorrow, I don’t have a choice. Lol, someone asked today, can’t someone else take over for tonight? Nope. I’m just glad the grands were already good for today thanks to the home health aide. I want a vacation. Not one where everything waits til I get back, but a real, true vacation. I do believe in about 15 years, I will take one 😉 I am blessed, and I don’t mean to whine. I just don’t feel good and I’m very good at whining. You can’t waste talent. In other good news, since I had zero appetite and threw up most of what I ate, I’m WAAAAY under the calorie budget for today. To the (way too many) people who had to say today that a stomach bug is a great way to lose weight, hardy-har-har… well, you can bite me. A great way to lose weight is to eat less and move more, which I’ve been quite successful with for the past 2 months. Maybe those who think this joke is so funny should try out the viral diet, since they can’t seem to figure my plan out. Just sayin.

 

I’m off to bed now, hopefully to find my positive attitude and better health somewhere in dreamworld.

Today was a darn good day

Most of it, anyway. Monkey and I went to visit some friends this morning, we hadn’t seen them in a while and it was great to see her laugh so hard. Next we we going to take Grandma to Walmart. Wonder of wonders, she didn’t feel like it, so she just gave me a list! Woohoo! This turned that 3 hour expedition I was dreading into less than an hour with just me & monkey. On a side note, last night and today, this guy working there caught my eye…I think I have a bit of a harmless crush, lmbo. A few other errands, and then it was time to run!

I was so pumped to run today that I was a little disappointed to find I’m still not feeling 100% after the beating I gave myself this past weekend. I finished my time and did ok, but I did take it rather easy. After 45 minutes on Sunday, I gotta say today felt pretty short. 🙂 Took a pic at the end. Not my best, but here’s a face to go with the words, now that it’s got cheekbones back…and is that a collarbone I see???

On the way home, I realized I had about 1200 calories left to log today, thanks to fairly light breakfast and Subway for lunch, plus the exercise calories I’d just earned. I’ve been craving some serious red-meat protein for a while, and a beer always sounds nice… Here’s what I came up with.

Even the monkey thought this was “pure deliciousness.” 🙂 And just a little product placement, as this is my new favorite 🙂

Even if I have 2 (doubtful), I’m still going to be a few hundred calories below target for today. Off now for early bedtime for me and the monkey, it’s going to be an early morning! Have a fabulous night & few days til I get back!

No run yesterday

Somehow, my cell phone got lost yesterday. After much searching, I can only believe I dropped it somewhere outside and someone picked it up and took it. Even calling it wouldn’t work, it went straight to voicemail, even though the battery was fully charged, making me believe whoever that poopypants was that picked it up, he (or she) turned the phone off. So I spent the hour I could’ve spent running in Walmart, setting up a new phone. Grrr.

I realize this sounds excuse like, but let me explain. My time to run happens right now because my little monkey hangs out at my grandmother’s house for an hour or so while I do. An hour or so is about all Grandma can handle with a 3-year-old. She’s a few months out from a hip replacement, and my grandpa…well, he has other health issues, and since a fall a few months ago, he’s barely getting out of bed. Since it was about 4:30 by the time the phone was discovered missing, it was after 5 before we got to their house. Grandma had a few things she needed me to do around the house (the house is a whole other issue–ever seen hoarders? When it started, I was shocked and relieved that there were other people like her…). Then the run to Walmart. Then back to get Grandpa up and to the bathroom, and cleaned up, etc. By then it was dark. No run. I was irritable and sad. Taking care of the people who took care of you as a child is hard some days. I’m glad to be around to do it, but coming to see them in a different light that at times is nothing I ever wanted to see.

And now we begin today. A few errands, then over to pick Grandma up for her Walmart trip. Walmart with Grandma is easily a 3-hour expedition. She wanted to come with me last night and I flatly refused, but promised to take her today. Say a prayer for my patience, please. I’m hoping to be home in time for dinner with the monkey and early bedtime, 2 days of work start tomorrow, then my girlies will be at home all weekend. 🙂 I WILL be running today, no matter what, even if I have to do it in the dark with the monkey on my back.

Waffles

No, not the sweet, delicious Belgian kind. 🙂 The crazy indecisive kind. After Saturday & Sunday’s runs (and my “accidental” miles Sunday, I felt like I was hit by a bus yesterday. Stretched really well when I woke up, took some Tylenol & Motrin, and headed to work. By the end of the day, pain had morphed into that good kind of sore. This morning, my calves were a little tight, but nothing horrible. I’d told myself after Sunday that I should take 2 good rest days and head out again tomorrow. Today, the sky is blue, the sun is shining, and I WANT TO RUN! So I’m waffling a bit as usual. I’m slow, but sometimes not as slow as I intend to be–I always seem to wind up pushing it up to my limit, even when I tell myself I’m going to go really easy. And that’s good, heck, it’s great…but I’m worried about overdoing it and ending up not able to keep going. I could stay in today, do the video workout that I like, but haven’t touched in a month. Or just do some weights. Or take the monkey out for a walk. But I don’t want to do those things. I. Want. To. Run. So, guess what I’m going to do today? lol wish me luck!

Multitasking

I hate postingfrom my iPod. 99% of the time, I spend forever typing on this lil bitty keyboard only to have the post never actually post. But I’m getting ready for girl’s night, so no time for computer sitting, and I have a few things to report.

First of all, some of the best advice I’ve ever gotten about running came from a “things I wish I’d known when I started running” article. It had to do with the first ten minutes of a run. I read the article after I’d noticed the phenomena twice. Here it is. The first ten minutes SUCK. My mind and body come up with ten million aches and pains, reasons to quit and try again tomorrow. Don’t give in. After that first ten minutes is up, it gets better.

What brings that up? Let me tell you about today’s run. As I mentioned earlier, I ran on my favorite trail today. It’s about a 2-mile loop. It starts with a long, moderately steep hill. Next, it curves around up and down through the woods. There are several wooden bridges across small creeks and streams, a small pond, that kind of thing. Gradually, the woods part of the path slopes down until you come out at the edge of a field. I’d estimate coming into the field as about 2/3 of the way through the loop. Across the field, then across the road, the loop joins the county’s paved bike path, and that leads back to the parking lot. I set out today with a great pace. I wanted my warmup walk to be fast, because the hill kicks my butt when I run the whole thing. Started running about a quarter of the way up the hill. As usual, I hated the first ten minutes. “is that a pebble in my shoe? I should stop to check.” my hips and thighs feel too tight. My shins hurt. I’m too tired. Etc, etc. I was halfway through the woods before that ten minutes ended. Then I started to feel strong and enjoy myself. I finished a loop and checked my iPod. Still 8:23 to go. Wow. I like my pace today. Stuff my iPod back in my pocket as I’m puffing back up the hill. A little ways through the woods, it occurred to me-shouldn’t I have heard the minute warning by now? I pull the iPod back out. 8:23. Somehow, I’d paused it. Since I have no idea what time I started I have no idea how long it’s been. I decided to just push resume. If I really hurt, I’d quit, but I’d rather know I finished more than planned than wonder if I did the full 30. I was almost to the end of the woods when it was time to start the cool down. I ran to the road. The rest of the way, I walked til I got bored, then RAN fast til I was out of breath, then walked some more. I’m estimating 45 minutes 🙂 today, running more than necessary and enjoying it so much, I finally felt like a runner. A slow one sometimes, but a runner. Awesome!

Size wise, things are changing. Comfortably wearing size tens tonight, and my “new” bras from a month ago are now too loose in the band and rubbing my ribs raw. This is good and bad. I love to shop, but I’m broke, and buying new stuff before I’m done with the loosing portion of the rest of my life feels like a waste. We’ll see.

Time to get pretty now, it’s gonna be a great night! 🙂

C25K is DONE!!!

30 minutes yesterday, and I covered about 2.5 miles. I could say that makes a 12-minute mile, but honestly my pace is very uneven, and I made up 99% of my speed during the last 4 minutes or so. I can’t wait til I’ve built up the endurance to run like that, full force, for longer than a few minutes. It feels so amazing.  Either way, I’m thrilled with having accomplished something that felt impossible just a few months ago. 🙂 Woke up this morning a little sore, but definitely ready to go run again today. I know that for today, I’ll be doing another 30 minutes, mostly because I did yesterday on the flat trail that’s not my favorite, and I want to do it on my favorite trail through the woods just so I can say I did. But after that, I’m going to have to make a decision. Bridge to 10K or OHR.

Positives for B210K-intervals mean a little rest time here and there. There’s an app that tells me when to start and when to stop.

Positives for OHR-stays right with what I’m doing now, time wise. Only 1 long run per week. Slow progression to add time without being overwhelming.

Negatives for B210K-back to intervals means shorter times, probably starting off with 2 15’s. That feels like a step back, even though I know it really isn’t.

Negatives for OHR-no app, so I have to be strong enough to make myself finish without waiting for some little voice to tell me when it’s time. I can set an alarm on the iPod for this, it’s just a little more fuss.

And still, I’m undecided. This decision should not be this hard. I think I’ll take a week or so of 30’s, get comfortable with them, and decide from there.

Last night was my oldest daughter’s senior prom. I knew she was on the court, but didn’t know that the announcement of queen wouldn’t be made until after the grand march last night. Yes, my baby was crowned queen. 🙂 So proud. It’s bittersweet because I feel like I’ve been pretty well pushed out of her life at this point, but I’m glad that she’s happy and pray that she continues to be.

In other news, today is going to be fabulous. Drinking one of my favorite smoothies for breakfast and hanging with the monkey till it’s time to call Grandma & wake her up. Then heading over there for laundry and toenail clipping (ok, no. This part is not fabulous. But someday, I’m gonna need someone to cut my toenails, so I’m hoping this builds up my karma or something.) Assuming there’s enough time, I’m heading out for my run on the pretty trail (really pumped for this one, as opposed to yesterday when it was raining and cold and I was rushed and didn’t really want to run on the flat boring trail that required me to do 3 laps to finish 30 minutes but didn’t have time for anything else). Then back to Grandma’s to pick up the monkey & head home. A little house straightening (which I should be doing now), and then the monkey is heading to her babysitter’s house for a sleepover & I’m getting ready for a girl’s night! Now, I have to work tomorrow, so it’ll be a fairly early night, but we’re going to see Mandisa and Laura Story, and I am sooooo excited about that. 🙂

Hope you all have a fabulous Sunday!!!

Oh. Wow.

Up before the monkey (shocking), and I just realized something. I took “before” pics the day I started C25K. That means I need to take some after pics today, since I’m doing my last C25K run today. Part of me wonders if I’ll see any difference at all, silly as that may sound. When I started, I couldn’t imagine being able to finish. I didn’t expect to quit, exactly, but run for 30 minutes straight? Sounded impossible. Today, I’ll do it. Probably in the rain. I’ll hate the first ten minutes and probably cry from being proud of me for the last minute…and feel like a million bucks after. Now if only someone would pay me a million bucks for finishing… Then again, I did win $65 in the work contest, so I guess that counts, lol. Have a fabulous Saturday, everyone!

Random thoughts after work

It was just one of those days. I packed my lunch last night right after eating my delicious grilled dinner. I was comfortably full, and not in an eating kind of place. That turned out a little like grocery shopping hungry, only in reverse… I got to work today to remember I’d packed a few standard snacks…and not much else. It was plenty, calorie-wise, but not anything I actually wanted to eat. I typically get pretty excited about my food–I make it pretty, lots of variety, etc. Today I had my morning snack (same every time) of cheese, almonds, grapes, and a boiled egg (this sounds like a lot, but I’ve got it (over)thought out to 213 calories). Lunch was an ounce of 97% ff ham wrapped around a slice of string cheese with a lil horseradish (122) and a smoothie (383, it was giant). Some choco cheerios with coconut milk and a fiber one bar (WHY did I even pack that?? I don’t like them) rounded out my evening…at just under a thousand. Leaving five HUNDRED calories for tonight, and one HUNGRY lady seriously trying hard NOT to hit the hospital cafeteria, where the good items on the salad bar are outnumbered 3:1 and the fried food is pretty much the only thing that tastes good… I made it, and came home, and had a little dinner (yeah, I admit, I saved a few calories for a glass of wine, too… and there it is. One more day. Oh, and all morning, I felt like I had a rock in my shoe. Turns out, it was a splinter in my sock, which moved into my foot while I continued on my merry way. I think I got it all out, but my foot has a swollen, still sore spot on it that makes me wonder. Grrr.

Tomorrow is a run day, and I’ll be done with C25K. I can’t decide which plan to do next. There’s bridge to 10K, which would take me back to intervals, or there’s one hour runner, which would stay with 30 minutes for a week or so, then gradually add in one longer run/week. I’m sort of leaning toward OHR, but I haven’t committed. Silly as it is, I kind of think I’d miss the app telling me what to do, and I can’t find one for OHR…yes, I know, how hard is it to set timers on an iPod. I don’t know. I’m a Libra. No matter what, I’ll do something. Had to back out of the Komen run next month because 3 out of 4 kids have things going on that day that I need to participate in. :/ Now I need to find another to sign up for, but I’m a little nervous. For one thing, I’ll be showing up & doing whatever it is alone, and for another…well, what if I pick something where people are all serious & competitive & stuff, and here I am, just trotting along like a turtle? I’m ok being slow, but what if I’m dead last? It could happen, people.

There are a few other ideas bouncing around, but nothing I can really string together into a pretty blog at the moment. Peace & love, y’all!

Yesterday

was pretty freaking great! 🙂 woke up to 3 pounds down on the scale (still gone this morning, I was a little shocked)… then got a little garden work done, took Grandma out to do her shopping, and got in my best run EVER!!! I’m still slower than most, but I’m improving!!! Sadly, as soon as I finished my run, my tummy started to hurt. I don’t know why, but I had the WORST stomach cramps last night. I think I may have dehydrated a bit. That, and the fact that I let Grandma take me out to lunch at my favorite Mexican restaurant. Calorie-wise, I did just fine, but I think all the fat and sodium and sugar (first real cococola in months) just didn’t really agree with me. Ended the day with an 800 calorie deficit–NOT a good thing for me.

 

Woke up this morning with a still-sore tummy (seriously, this felt like a hangover, and I didn’t even drink–it’s what made me wonder if it was a hydration thing) and set to work re-hydrating. Lots of water and fruit and a little gatorade later, the house is now clean and the laundry’s caught up. All ready for work tomorrow. Cooked a fabulous meal mostly on the grill tonight–chicken, corn on the cob, pineapple, and green beans. It was the first time I’ve made green beans since the switch–NO BACON!!! Instead, I added some onion, bell peppers, and a little tomato and put them in ff chicken broth in the crock. Definitely still delicious! 🙂

 

Not a lot to report, I did back out of today’s run (w8d3) due to my belly, but I PROMISE it’s on Saturday’s plan. Along with tilling the garden like I was supposed to today. I just didn’t have it in me. Off to bed now, it’s gonna be an early morning 😉