You take the good, you take the bad, you take ’em both and there you have…

My pc has crashed, so I’m finally getting around to posting from my iPod. I hate this little tiny keyboard, lol. I haven’t disappeared or quit, still chugging along. Increased my calories in a bit, and my scale is back to creeping (very slowly) downward again. I honestly haven’t been as faithful to fitday food journaling, but am honestly keeping a running tab daily of my intake (sometimes on scraps of paper, sometimes mental, lol). My kitchen’s stocked with the good stuff, so staying on target hasn’t been too hard. Still working my c25k plan. I was supposed to do w4d1 today, but was feeling pretty anxious about 2 5-min runs, so today I did half of week 1, with 1-min sprints instead of jogs, then did 3/4 of w4d1. That’s 2 3-min and 1 5-min JOG. I’m not fast, I’m huffing and puffing, I thought I would die, but I did it. I was surprised at how quickly 1-min goes now, when so recently I thought it would kill me. I think I’m getting there :). On the negative side, my night shift stint has been extended by 2 weeks, and my oldest daughter has decided she’d be happier living not with me. Lots went into that decision, I don’t think it’s the best one, but I also know there are many lessons best learned the hard way, so I have to let her learn them her own way. That’s all stressful enough, but it also means swapping my schedule around to arrange childcare for lil monkey. And helping her understand all the changes in her life. Sigh. One day at a time. But it’ll help us both learn flexibility and adaptability, right? I’m thankful for the supportive people in my life who are helping with this. I’m thankful for running, which has become the stress reliever I’d wished it would. I’m thankful for the warm spring weather that allows me to work in my garden (another huge stress reliever), and for all the growing things I see. It’s time for me to take a nap now for work tonight, love to all. Keep us in your prayers, please

Blogging is cathartic, right?

I’ve healed so much through blogging. It bothers me that it’s so hard to post here, about where I am, how I’m growing…because it’s public? because I’ve published it to my facebook and invited people who actually know me? I’m a broken soul still healing. The best friend I ever had told me a month ago that she understood that pain, that she believed it should’ve been how I thought it should’ve been. I’m still healing. Taking care of me, getting healthy, caring for me and making me a priority, is part of that healing. Not just from him but from my life. From what I’ve done to myself, in my journey to finding this amazing person I’m supposed to be. I’m getting there. Tonight, honestly, I’m feeling crazy-not-the-good-way. I’m feeling like all of this is wrong, like I can feel him in distress, like he is right around the corner and somehow fate will make us right. Remember, someone else believes it should have been. Everyone I’ve discussed the conversation with…well…sort of hated that she was the one who said it out loud. But tomorrow, I’m going to wake up. I’m going to eat what makes me strong and healthy. I’m going to work on my garden and my plants, and I’m going to spend precious time with that little monkey of ours. I’m going to make the 2 of us my priority every single day until the risk of him appearing in my world doesn’t make me wonder what I would do.

Quick one…

It’s been a busy week with a ton going on, and I’ve got a bunch of pics on the pod to share & blog later. Not a lot of time this morning, but I had to share just one thing…size tens fit again, as of this morning. Yeah, I’m excited. I increased my calories a bit, and the scale is slowly moving downward again. I don’t know whether to attribute that to the caloric change or the fact that I’ve been more consistent with exercising and/or running 6 out of 7 days, and I don’t care. I’m just happy to be moving again, and even happier to feel fabulous. Big day today, I’ll blog this evening 😉

Frustration

I’ve put off a ‘real’ post for a while for a reason. I hit 16 pounds down a week ago, then quit. I’m stuck. While my weight can (and usually does) vary by as much as 4-6 pounds a day, I’m stuck with that 16 pounds down as my lowest weigh-in in a week. I’m sticking to my plan, and maintaining 1100-1300 cal/day every day. I’m OCD about recording EVERY SINGLE THING I put in my mouth (yeah, I’m the girl that figured out how many calories were in 3 goldfish crackers so I could log them…). Every now and then, I have a very low (600-800 calorie) day, when I work the night before, sleep half the day, and go to bed 8 hours later. Since I was stuck, I upped my exercise. I’ve done fabulously with that this week. 6 out of the last 7 days, a minimum of 30 minutes, at a minimum intensity of actual sweat. Still, I’m stuck.

I’ve been analyzing reasons for this stall. (Imagine that…). Am I actually eating too FEW calories? It’s counter-intuitive to me. I’ve had a day or 2 since I started this plan a month ago where I was just HUNGRY. And I ate. To a max of 1600 or even 1800 calories (still should’ve left me at a deficit of at least 500), I ate. Healthy foods, but I ate if I was hungry. If I’m not hungry, eating more seems entirely counterintuitive. Is this a ‘girl thing?’ It’s almost time for ‘that time,’ maybe this is just a side effect? Really? I’ve upped my water to 5 liters a day, which should counteract any water retention I’ve got going on…still nothing…

I don’t have any other symptoms going on that would lead me to look toward my thyroid or any other health issues causing this, though I’ve seriously considered doing another salt water flush to make sure I’m not just FOS. Given that my ultimate goal is a healthier lifestyle, and that I feel better than I have in years, I realize that the number on the scale isn’t that important. My shape is changing, so maybe at least part of it is increased muscle. But still.Nothing???

Somebody, anybody. If you’re reading and have insight, please share. I’m not sure what to do. I’ve made my food journals public, and I’d be happy to send you a link. I just can’t figure out why the damn scale isn’t moving, and while it’s nowhere close to making me quit (I feel too good), it is having a negative effect on my morale, and I don’t like that–I’m the positive person in most instances, but this is shaking that…