Rough night (warning, slightly obsessive rant)

I planned, and packed, plenty of food last night. A big salad, soup, a baked potato with salsa, some carrots and hummus. Should have been plenty. So this morning, when bacon time came along, I should have been perfectly able to skip it. Let me rewind for just one minute to explain to those who don’t know me, or know me well. I love bacon. I could eat that crispy-fried salty, fatty, nitrite filled goodness every day. I have been known to add it to almost any dish. At work, I’ve been the bacon girl since I started on night shift because all night long, I count down to “bacon time,” at 6:30 when the cafeteria opens. Now, mostly, counting down to bacon time is because it sounds like I have a bad work attitude to count down to time to go home to bed, and counting down to bacon & being done by 6:30 means I can eat breakfast, give report, and get the he!! out of dodge. So yeah. Giving up bacon at work is rough. And this morning, I didn’t. On the positive side, I scaled down my bacon. 2 slices, half a slice of american cheese, and half an english muffin. I put it on fitday and calculated those 163 calories before I even got on the elevator. Not far from my smoothie yesterday, and do-able in today’s plan without much effort. BUT. The difference in nutrient value from yesterday’s breakfast to today’s? The fact that I broke my own rules so blatantly? I’m supposed to be gaining some control over my eating habits. I wasn’t even really hungry. I just wanted bacon. I could make the argument that I’m making my plan flexible enough that I’ll stick to it. But am I just justifying bad behavior? I can’t do that. I can’t slide down that slippery slope of just one here, just one there. I already know this weekend will be bad and hard to climb back up from next week. That’s planned. But this, the bacon for bacon’s sake, because I’m stressed out and hormonal and tired, I really have to get a handle on. I don’t mean to sound like I’m beating myself up over something dumb. It’s counted, there’s the rest of the day to make good choices. But I know me, and I know how I can slide, and just give up, and fall right back to old habits and not making progress. This time, I don’t want to do that. It tasted good, but man, I regretted that bacon the minute I finished wolfing it down. By the way, all that grease after a week of eating good stuff? Heartburn AND a potty trip already. That’ll teach me, lol.

If there’s anything I’ve learned, in life in general, it’s that the best thing for me to do after making a poor decision (some call them mistakes), it’s to take a minute to feel the consequences, then stand back up, dust myself off, fix what can be fixed, and make a plan to do it differently the next time around. I need to make bacon rules. I also think I need to make an absolutely BEAUTIFUL smoothie this evening, keep it in the fridge tonight, and resolve NOT to drink it til 0630 (formerly bacon time). I may even go get some more fresh pineapple, because it’s my very favorite smoothie ingredient. I need something to look forward to at 630, just not bacon. I’ll have to think about bacon rules. But I need a concrete guide. Never won’t work. How much, how often, under what circumstances? Yes, I’m that OCD or anal retentive or whatever you want to call it. Just saying every once in a while doesn’t work for me, because every once in a while becomes more and more until it’s a habit all over again. I’ll think about this one. Maybe once every 2 weeks? That might work.

In good news, 172 this morning. That’s 8 pounds. And I finished w1d2 yesterday without dying. And the ab dvd. I gave good patient care and I got through telling 2 of the 3 people I really didn’t ever want to tell about the grandbaby. My day is complete. One more night of work, a few more hours sleep, and then my first kid-free vacation weekend in four years. Good night, y’all.


4 responses

  1. Dust yourself off. : ) Once ever few weeks seems reasonable, if someone put a pizza anywhere close to my vicinity right now, I am not so sure I could have said no. If there was a 6:30 “Pizza” time that I could walk to, I would fall over like superman with kryptonite! You got this!
    It sounds like you are doing wonderful! : )

  2. Ahh..this sounds like my rant. You love bacon like I love chocolate and peanut butter. I’m am a serious chocolate and peanut butter fanatic..with ice name it. If it has chocolate and/or peanut butter..I’m face first in it..well used to be anyway. My resolution to that was modifications. When, I get that hankerin (southern word for craving for those who have never heard of this word 😉 ) I now reach for a piece of wheat bread with nutella on it or just a tablespoon of nutella. It’s yummy. Maybe if you modify that bacon craving..have turkey bacon instead-that you buy with egg white on a muffin? Or just try the turkey bacon for when you have to satisfy your craving. I agree with you..this is a lifestyle forever change. I know I can’t say “I will never have chocolate and peanut butter again”. But, I’m glad you’re not beating yourself up too bad about it. 🙂 Here’s to healthier choices! ~Charity

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